Hello! I hope you all had a completely fabulous weekend. I know we did. VERY relaxed. And I was so ready for RELAXED. No stress. Very little extravagance involved. Which is so anti to my natural personality.
The personality that needs to turn EVERYTHING into a gigantic production. Especially holidays and events.
I find myself comparing what I've done, to what the next person did. What that certain "blogger" did. What the person on TV did. And yes, admittedly, sometimes to fictional characters in movies.
This past week was my daughter's birthday. She was so excited to have a "Disneyland" birthday party. She's been planning it for months. And had gotten some kind of outlandish ideas. And let's be honest, she's got the right Mom for a completely outta control birthday.
Unfortunately, her Mom doesn't have an outta control budget. So big parties like that mean Mommy spends gross amounts of time making things.
Like this sort of out of control hand decorated Strawberry Shortcake situation from last year.
That party was, in fact, the reason I actually started Less Cake {more frosting}. And it is now oficially my one year "blog-a-versary" I guess.
I had some last minute work related things that came up this week. I was short on time, and patience. And I also decided that maybe she doesn't need a huge birthday party EVERY year.
To be honest, I was having a bit of a DOWNER week.
- Feeling like my home has fallen apart. That I don't keep things the way my Mother would want. Or that my Mother-in-law would approve of.
- That my "projects" don't match up to others that I see. That my parties are never 1st class. That my blogging isn't up to par. etc.....
- That I'm not as good of a wife as I could be. Or a mother.
- Also, recently, a couple people have made some comments to me about the way I choose to live my life and balance it between blogging, and motherhood, and "real-life". (I'm sure they didn't mean to be hurtful. And I shouldn't have let it get to me. But it sort of did.)
What ended up happening, is that I decided NOT to do a big birthday party.
- We tied a dozen balloons to my daughters bed in the middle of the night.
We bought her gifts a couple days before. - I made cupcakes with her. And that's what we put the candles on.
- We put up a store bought banner on the bannister
- The wrapping paper DID NOT match the theme
- We didn't have an extravagant Easter weekend. I didn't make 3 gigantic meals full of every decadent dessert I know how to make. (photographing them each as I went along....)
- We dyed eggs on Sunday. Because we didn't get to them the day before.
- I took a nap.
This weekend I was watching one of my DVR'ed Oprah shows.
She's leaving me, you know. What on earth will I watch while I fold laundry?
I know some of you don't love her.
That's fine.
I don't love her personally.
I just sometimes have really great personal moments while I watch her show. And this weekend was a huge one.
She was having a "farewell" show with her best friend of over 30 years, Gayle. Gayle was talking about being BFF's with Oprah Winfrey.
Can you imagine?
Talk about the worst self-esteem checker EVAH!
No one would ever want to just see you. They'd wonder where Oprah was. They wouldn't want to ask you how you were doing. They'd want to know when the last time you saw Oprah was. I'm not sure I could do it. In fact. I couldn't.
Gayle sat and described how it's possible that she's been able to be best friends with one of the richest, most-beloved, and most powerful woman in the world.
And I had an AH-HA moment. A big one. She said:
"I feel like I'm standing in her light, I never feel like I'm standing in her shadow."
Isn't that profound?
Not to be shaded and overshadowed by the excellence around you. But to let it feed you. And let it lift you up.
I got to go and take pictures of some beautiful spring flowers this weekend.
Think of them all fighting for the sun's light.
It would be so easy to get in the shadow of another flower.
Wouldn't it?
I think I look for shadows sometimes. As an excuse as to why I'm not "growing". It's easy to blame it on the guy growing next to you.
And look at this little guy. One red flower in the midst of all the yellow ones. Instead of being really out of place. It's actually completely STUNNING! And so honest.
I started to think about how detrimental comparisons actually are.
The second I start comparing my life to the next guy, I am automatically looking to make one person "better" and the other person "less than".
One person will end up coming out on top. And that can't ever be good. It just can't.
So today, I'm taking a break from making stuff. And sharing my pictures of these flowers. And my AH-Ha moment.
And taking a moment to remind myself:
Don't compare yourself. Don't compare to what you think you see on a blog, or your best friend, or a celebrity, or your neighbor.Truly, we can see the beauty in someone else without letting it make us "less than."
Gayle King said,
"You can always meet better, thinner, richer people....but when [I'm] happy in [my] own life: All I want to do is cheer you on."
So bravo!
Bravo to all of us. All of us who still have breakfast on the table. But it's probably because you took your daughter to dance today. Or maybe it's because you listened to your body's need for a rest this morning.
Regardless.
BRAVO!!!
Well said, Ellie G, well said.
ReplyDeleteI too feel like my home has fallen apart, because, well it has. I've been throwing a binger of a pity party the past few weeks, wallowing and blah, and the state of my home showed it.
No more. I've been making a mountainous pile to donate to Sal Army now.
Your post was my five minute break. Back to purging!
:) Everyone go fire up the coffee pot and clean!
I too am wondering what will get me through my hours of laundry folding without Oprah. Thanks so much for sharing this. It is so true and something I always need to remember. thank you thank yoU!
ReplyDeleteOh WOW! I feel the same way. Actually, tried to make some carrot cupcakes this weekend (like EVERYONE else) was making that looked SO easy...well threw them away in the garbage before all was said and done and didn't even feel like making the things I HAD to make for Easter. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL GIRL! I am there!
ReplyDeleteI watched that episode too...while I was moping on the couch in my PJ's...and I loved that Gayle pointed out that not only does she feel like she's in Oprah's light but that she is happy with her life! Such a great show {and a giveaway}.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to every. single. sentence. Every word. Every everything. I needed this post like I need air. It's a wakeup call. And tomorrow will be a day of getting up and doing the best that *I* can do. Thanks, Ellie.
ReplyDeleteUhm, if it makes you feel any better at all I totally look at your blogs as one of those "bigger than me, better than me, holy grail of blogs"
ReplyDeleteThat said I'm also pretty proud to be just little old me :)
Aha moments are great, recently I was at the hospital visiting a friend and a quote on the wall just reached out and BASHED me on the head.
"Rather than mourn the absense of a flame, let us celebrate the light is shed"
I know that's supposed to be about people who have passed, but it spoke to me as "instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you can do with what you do have"
I think you do quite a lot with what you have ma'am!
Happy Blog-aversary!
I am so glad I took the time to read your blog...time to think and reflect.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI too have been comparing myself to others in so many ways. There are so many people, moms, friends, daughters, blogs, stores, houses, families that are doing so much better than I...and it's hard not to feel a little inadiquate.
I need to remember it's not a race or a competition. I need to remember there is enough sunshine for all of us....and that I need to start making my own sunshine to light the way for others.
Thanks for your "aha" moment and the beautiful pictures. Keep up the good work. I think you do an amazing job!
ooh! I love those quotes from Oprah's friend! I'm going to print them for my journal. I notice that when I'm happy with my choices, then I'm happier for others too--cheering them on! When I know I can be doing better, then I start comparing and not wanting anyone to be happy if I'm not. Thank you for the great post!
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how well-timed this post was for me!
ReplyDeleteLove and more love to you! Over the week-end I got to visit the tulip fields outside of Seattle. I too, took a picture of a field of yellow tulips and one lone red one in the pack. I titled it, 'Be Yourself!' Thanks for being your real and true self. I love your blog!
ReplyDeleteVery well said. A good reminder.
ReplyDeleteLove this, Lara. Love it!
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Amy
Fabulous post, Ellie. I think we all feel this way, comparing ourselves to others when we would offer so much more compassion to other people than to ourselves. Never mind that most of what we're comparing ourselves to isn't even real (airbrushed models in magazines, clean for long enough to take the picture houses featured in blogs). We're silly creatures. Thanks for sharing what we all need to hear time and again.
ReplyDeleteI love this post, I love this post. I. LOVE THIS. POST.
ReplyDeleteHi Ellie! I'm new to your blog and I just wanted to thank you for this post. Such a great reminder. Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteSo we didn't even dye eggs this year! My husband didn't get a card for his 40th birthday on Saturday...just a present and there wasn't OVER the HILL decorations maxed out everywhere. We are so much alike the more I get to know you! And I love you even more!!
ReplyDeleteWhy do we do it to ourselves? I know it is human nature to compare. I can honestly say I go through the same feelings at times, then I remember that people love me for me just being me. Not trying to be someone else or trying to measure up to what others are doing or think I should be doing.
You, my friend, are fabulous. But I know you already know that {in a humble way of course} and you weren't fishing for compliments. Thanks for your sweet ah-ha today. I actually had one too...along the same lines...kind of...and posted about it today. See...one more thing that makes up both on the same page!
And for your Oprah replacement, may I suggest Ellen. She makes me laugh out loud and we need that every day!
I love this, Ellie G.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't dye eggs until Sunday night either.
Thanks for making me feel not alone! I sat in the midst of chaos today (literally. I'm cleaning out closets) and cried a little bit, then picked myself up and kept going.
ReplyDeleteAnd I canceled Easter until later this week; stomach flu at my house took all the fun away and instead of killing myself to do it all we grilled hot dogs and I'll make the big meal Thurs or Fri...
My dear... with a little sniffle and a tear in my eye I have to tell you how much I LOVED this post!!! So true, so true. Thank you soooo much for sharing and I've gotta say I would love another late night talk! Seriously, you and I seem to think a lot a like and struggle with the same things. You're a doll!
ReplyDeletekisses
heather
You know what? I feel exactly the same way sometimes. Actually, a lot of times.
ReplyDeleteHi, my name is Heather, and I am addicted to crafty blogs.
And I peruse a lot of them. And somehow they get all jumbled up in my mind and I start feeling like I should do every single party and craft and quilting project and knitting do-dad that I ever read about.
And I don't even knit. Or quilt.
And sometimes I feel bad that I don't.
But reading your post today kinda helped me to put things back in the perspective that it belongs in. I thank you for that.
And I'll share those cool Gayle quotes with the 25 women I invited over for a Mother's Day brunch next week where I will have perfectly arranged flowers and I will present each guest with personalized, homemade Dimensional Magic keychains and a quilt.
In the end, thanks for your post today!
Heather
How much wisdom I hear here! Thank you for being transparent enough to share. It is so easy in blogland, as in the "real" world, to compare and feel defeated. Thanks for being real!
ReplyDeleteI've only been reading your blog for a short time, but this post came at the right time for me.
ReplyDeleteI have been having the worst 9 months of my life and I can't blog for fear of over sharing and hurting my family. I miss blogging but I also have been feeling like it's not like I do anything special. I've been blue and just blah.
I also had seen the same episode of Oprah and hadn't really heard it, too busy multitasking. After reading this I had to go back and re-watch it, then I called my best friend, and then come back here to thank you!
I don't post comments very often, I guess you might call me a blog stalker! I just had to let you know that I love Love LOVE this post! It is the one thing that most people struggle with, and it's nice to see it being addressed here in the blogosphere! I wish I had seen that episode of Oprah, but thanks so much for sharing the quote. Very impactful. Thank you so much for being you! I love reading your blog, and I also wanted to wish you a happy blogoversary!! Keep doing what you do! People love it, and they (we) love you!
ReplyDeleteHolla! to breakfast still on the table. Story of my life! Thanks for posting this - it made me smile and feel happy about being me.
ReplyDeleteI think your weekend was just what you needed. And although you didn't do anything extravagent and over the top you spent time with your family and enjoyed the simple things which are really what matters most!
ReplyDeleteAnd btw-you said it best on one of your other posts....that often times you are comparing your worst with someone else's very best. That is one of my favorite sayings now and I have to remind myself of that almost every single day! Doesn't it make you feel a little better to know that we're all in the same boat? It makes me feel better. I just wish everyone else would quit pretending to lead perfect lives because they keep making the rest of us feel like crap!!! Ha Ha!
LOVE.
ReplyDeleteSomeone told me recently: "Comparing is the road to misery."
How true this is. But I still feel so inadequate when I look around bloggy land. I'm tired of it. I just wanna be me, you know?
You go girl!
I could have written the first part of your post, except I did go ahead and throw the crazy birthday party. It was a pretty ridiculous weekend and I'm hoping the love the kids felt from the parties will make up for all the grumpiness leading up to them!
ReplyDeleteLove your Gayle analogy! It took me at least a few years into adulthood to realize, that I could truly be happy for someone else's success with out it diminishing my own. It's very freeing when I can remember that!
Amazing, just amazing. Your post was how I have been feeling. I am the crazy mom of one who does the all out thing. I have had 4 people in the last month say things that were probably not meant to be hurtful, but that doesn't mean I took it that way... Person 1 "Julie, how does it make you feel to know that everyone hates you because you are so crafty." Person 2 "Julie you put all of us other mothers to shame." Person 3 "You make all of us (other parents) look bad." Person 4 "It's just Julie, you get used to it." <-- what's that supposed to mean?
ReplyDeleteThat's not my intention, I just want to do crafty stuff and share it. I like to make cute shirts, I like to have a big bash for Laci's party, I like to make cookies and decorate them for her school and blast ball team. I have a gift just like you do and a lot of us bloggers do. Most people don't want to take the time to learn, but you and me, we are the kind of people who know we can do it, and just make it happen even if that means a few hours less of sleep. That is why we blog so that other people who do the same things can admire you for the talent that you possess and that others can gleam inspiration for their partys projects and ideas.
I loved the picture of the tulip, just beautiful! Oh, and the Gayle phrase just summed things up! Hope you have a wonderful day!
That was beautiful! Thanks for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteBravo, you darling, darling girl. And horray for naps. And giving yourself a break.
ReplyDeleteI was sitting at my "real job" yesterday--at my desk--and I was lamenting to a friend in the office about how I didn't even get Easter dresses for my girls this year. She was silent for a bit, and then she said, "Em, you are so hard on yourself". I started laughing because I was so surprised by her response, but I was glad she couldn't see my face because all of a sudden I had tears in my eyes! Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I don't know, because I think you're doing a fantastic job.
Loves and Kisses,
Em
wow!! Thank you! that was exactly what i needed to hear at this very moment. You wre inspired to write this post. Thanks for listening and following that inspiration.
ReplyDeleteJust an FYI- that Strawberry Shortcake cake was the most delightful cake I've ever seen (or eaten)! Nice work Ellie G!!
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing! Thanks for sharing and giving us all a boost. Why must we all have the need to feel and be perfect? Love the quotes, love the pictures, love you!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and I am totally captivated by this and so many other posts! LOVE THIS and I totally needed this! THANKS SO MUCH!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you shared your Ah-ha moment, I am one of those people who tends to feel LESS, and I needed to hear those thoughts. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate your honesty and insight. God bless you Ellie G.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a blog site but do enjoy visiting yours from time to time. Taralynn Dene'
I stumbled upon your blog today and was perusing your posts and read this one. I rarely post but felt I had to. Know you are not alone in those blah-mom moments we all have them! I hope you continue to shine bright even when the sun is not out.
ReplyDeleteThis was an awesome post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete